Who bullies, who gets bullied?

So does using the Lovegrove Approach mean that bullies just get away with it? I hate bullying. I hate it when people bully me and I hate it when I bully others. But being aggressive is part of what it is to be human. Everyone is capable of bullying, everyone is capable of helping those who feel bullied, and everyone is liable to feel bullied at some stage. Whilst we’re still learning the necessary social skills (and it takes a lifetime of practice!) we are likely to change frequently from one to the other. We may not like this about ourselves but it’s important to recognise if we want to lessen the impact of bullying on us and on others...

Who’s responsible for bullying? Ultimately, it's the number of people who support bullying (actively, or by staying silent) that determines how successful it is. And whilst society at large engages in bullying, aggressive behaviours, children and young people will copy those behaviours. In societies where violence towards others is not rewarded, bullying is rarely a problem.

Cyber-Bullying is a criminal offence - but it might help to remember the following...

Cyber-Bullying and appearance: It’s easy to imagine the appearance link when taunting reduces a victim to a visible wreck, thus temporarily raising the bully’s self esteem. The bully’s gratification can be:

1.Instant – watching the victim being visibly humiliated

2.Delayed – imaging how the victim will feel upset later when the full import of the humiliation is felt

Similarly with cyber bullying there are two main sources of pleasure. It is no co-incidence that the more ‘successful’ and devastating forms of cyber bullying involve making public visual images of the victim being humiliated. Again there is not only the instant gratification of the actual bullying incident but there is also the delayed gratification of imagining the visible distress of the victim when they see images of their now very public humiliation.

So cyber-bullying is still appearance-related – it is still that ‘loss of face’ on the part of the victim that temporarily elevates the self-esteem of the bully.

A REALLY GOOD WEBSITE ON CYBER-BULLING IS www.wisekids.org.uk

Regardless of whether the bullying is face-to-face or cyber, The Lovegrove Approach tackles the underlying emotions that stop us from dealing with upset, helps us get our confidence back, and demonstrates the social skills that will aid our self-confidence and thus our popularity. Help! I’m being bullied published by Accent Press at £7.99, available from bookshops and www.amazon.com at £5.99 + p&p

"This is a timely book that families everywhere will fall upon.

Dr Lovegrove uses her knowledge, experience and sensitivity to address the issues of bullying and give some real support to both adults and children.

As a parent and teacher I found it incredibly useful and I recommend it to colleagues and parents all the time."

"As an NQT in a secondary school, with a new class. This book has been a fantastic aid to help me (and the kids) sort out bullying. I would recommend it to other teachers as well as parents and kids! Thanks Dr Emily for providing a book that has been so valuable to me!"